Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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