are you still at the devil's house?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize