1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
why do cheetos always look like penises
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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