dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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