We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
