That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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