Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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