I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
