Whoa Z and x make the same sound
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
