Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
