he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
