ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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