she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
