I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
