why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
