the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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