Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
