I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
