First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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