i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
