I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
