Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
