And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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