You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
