I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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