allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
