Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
