Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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