Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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