rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize