weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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