It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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