She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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