I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
