Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
