the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
