I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
