I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Randomize
