We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
