Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
