I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
