it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Sorry about my life...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
