My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
