FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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