i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
