my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
