So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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