Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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