so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
