i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
