So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
