R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
