Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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