dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
