I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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