my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
