So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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