he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
