I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
