How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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