I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
