Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
