tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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