it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
