nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
