Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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