This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
