Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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