Old men and throwing up are my life now.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You may now shotgun with the bride
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
