she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
