No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
