I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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