You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
