She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
