Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
