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just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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