$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
