He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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