I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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