In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
