some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
