Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
