I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
