piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
