toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize