She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
