rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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