im drinking this country out of the recession.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
