You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
