He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
