I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just invented taco cereal.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize