Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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