If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
