the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
