I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Randomize
