I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
