Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
