Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize