Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
