So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
