I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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