I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize