i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
