I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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