Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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