I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
