Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
